Okay, listen up bitches! I know that all of you think you’re hot shit like Paris Hilton or Coleen Rooney, but news flash- you’re not. The nice thing about being a celebrity, is that you don’t have to be the one who trains, cleans up after, walks and spends quality time with your pet; they have “people for that.” You, on the other hand, are too poor to afford anything more than a cheap Fendi bag knock-off, let alone a sweet little dog.
I know, it’s fun to pretend like we are rich and fabulous, but we should never go as far as to hurt another living being because of our fantasies. Today, there are many shelters that are full of “purse” dogs because all you trendy bitches think you can handle a puppy, but soon realize that you can’t. Many of these dogs have developed, what I like to call, PLBS (prissy little bitch syndrome). Dogs with PBLS refuse to walk; instead, they sit there like a potato until someone picks them up and carries them- entitled little bitches.
If you don’t have the time or financial ability to care for a dog- don’t get one, dumbass.
For those of you who can handle a dog, these are some of the most popular “purse” dogs, and what kind of statement they will make about you.
Toy Poodle: Owners of these dogs are usually sincere, fun loving, and loyal. Owners of these dogs take pride in their appearance, are very neat and keep very orderly homes. They are very versatile and can enjoy evenings in with a bottle of wine or a night out partying on the town. Usually with a short temper, both dog and owner are one the prissier matches you will meet.
Yorkie: Yorkie owners usually possess a good sense of humor, and are always down for a good time. Both the dog and owner have a lot of love to give, but they aren’t easily trusting and don’t just invite anyone into the house- you gotta earn it first. Once you’ve proven yourself worthy, both the Yorkie and its owner will be your life-long friend.
Shih Tzu: These dogs are sweet, respectful, and gentle. Owners of this breed are charming, trustworthy, affectionate, and highly intelligent. Shih Tzu owners are said to lead busy lives but put spending time with their family first. They maintain a group of close lifelong friends, which they much prefer to spending time with strangers.
Weiner: Weiners are stubborn and brave, often acting as if invincible. When owners of weiners want something, they don’t give up until they get it. Every weiner dog has quirks that it develops; if you observe carefully, you will notice that many of these funny habits have been adopted by the dog from the owner. They can sometimes be bossy and often dislike not getting their own way.
Chihuahua: If you have a chihuahua, you might as well carry around a big sign that says, “Hello, I’m in a sorority and I love fro-yo.” Ever since Legally Blonde, this breed of dog has become closely associated to everything pink and ditzy. These dogs and their owners dominate the Beverly Hills scene; how could they not with that prissy personality, constant need for attention and a love for accessories. Just as the owner will hardly ever be caught without a caramel macchiato in hand, a chihuahua will always need its daily puppuccino fix.