Puppies as a Fashion Accessory

08ab717926a256fabb217081a956b7beOkay, listen up bitches! I know that all of you think you’re hot shit like Paris Hilton or Coleen Rooney, but news flash- you’re not. The nice thing about being a celebrity, is that you don’t have to be the one who trains, cleans up after, walks and spends quality time with your pet; they have “people for that.” You, on the other hand, are too poor to afford anything more than a cheap Fendi bag knock-off, let alone a sweet little dog.

walk.jpgI know, it’s fun to pretend like we are rich and fabulous, but we should never go as far as to hurt another living being because of our fantasies. Today, there are many shelters that are full of “purse” dogs because all you trendy bitches think you can handle a puppy, but soon realize that you can’t. Many of these dogs have developed, what I like to call, PLBS (prissy little bitch syndrome). Dogs with PBLS refuse to walk; instead, they sit there like a potato until someone picks them up and carries them- entitled little bitches.

If you don’t have the time or financial ability to care for a dog- don’t get one, dumbass.

For those of you who can handle a dog, these are some of the most popular “purse” dogs, and what kind of statement they will make about you.


Toy Poodle:
Owners of these dogs are usually sincere, fun loving, and loyal. Owners of these dogs take pride in their appearance, are very neat and keep very orderly homes. They are very versatile and can enjoy evenings in with a bottle of wine or a night out partying on the town. Usually with a short temper, both dog and owner are one the prissier matches you will meet.

yorkie-dog-1-250x333Yorkie: Yorkie owners usually possess a good sense of humor, and are always down for a good time. Both the dog and owner have a lot of love to give, but they aren’t easily trusting and don’t just invite anyone into the house- you gotta earn it first. Once you’ve proven yourself worthy, both the Yorkie and its owner will be your life-long friend.

Shih Tzu: These dogs are sweet, respectful, and gentle. Owners of this breed are charming, trustworthy, affectionate, and highly intelligent. Shih Tzu owners are said to lead busy lives but put spending time with their family first. They maintain a group of close lifelong friends, which they much prefer to spending time with strangers.

cute-wiener-dog-beach-pool-party-1024x682Weiner: Weiners are stubborn and brave, often acting as if invincible. When owners of weiners want something, they don’t give up until they get it. Every weiner dog has quirks that it develops; if you observe carefully, you will notice that many of these funny habits have been adopted by the dog from the owner. They can sometimes be bossy and often dislike not getting their own way.

BruiserChihuahua: If you have a chihuahua, you might as well carry around a big sign that says, “Hello, I’m in a sorority and I love fro-yo.” Ever since Legally Blonde, this breed of dog has become closely associated to everything pink and ditzy. These dogs and their owners dominate the Beverly Hills scene; how could they not with that prissy personality, constant need for attention and a love for accessories. Just as the owner will hardly ever be caught without a caramel macchiato in hand, a chihuahua will always need its daily puppuccino fix.

How To Be More Stylish: getting out of your wardrobe rut

nothingtowearDo you feel like you have terrible taste in fashion? Do you have a bland closet in desperate need of a make over? You’re not alone, don’t worry- there are many people in this world who have need of a fashion guru. The biggest problem with people who have a bad sense of style is that they have the power to fix it. It isn’t hard to revamp your look, and I have a few great tips for doing just that.

1. Clean out your closet: This should be the obvious first step. We all have that section in the back of our closet with clothes we bought because we liked them, but never wear them. They stay in the back because they are usually items that would amp up your usual “comfortable style.”

2. Wear something outside your comfort zone: For me, it was a red blazer that I didn’t wear because it was too scary. One day I finally got up the courage to wear it to a party and everyone commented on how great it was- I felt fabulous. Everyone has that article of clothing that we have seen in the store window but don’t feel like we are good enough to wear it. Ignore those insecurities because you are only as good as you believe you are.

Toilet Store Clothes3. Get rid of your safety net: You will never get out of your fashion rut until you get rid of that article of clothing that is your go-to. It’s that shirt, a pair of pants, skirt, etc., that you wear constantly because it makes you feel safe. What you don’t realize is that it doesn’t make you look good, it makes you look ALMOST OKAY. You’ve probably worn it for several years. Eww, gross- get rid of it. You have the potential to look fabulous if you don’t cling to the past.

4. Try out a new accessory that isn’t a bag or shoes: Bags and shoes are always a statement piece, but everyone has them- so what is going to make you stand out? A new watch, gaudy headphones, a piece of jewelry, a scarf or hat can go a long way. Make a statement with your whole outfit, not just traditional accessories.

5. Buy a crazy pair of shoes: Shoes are one of the best parts of shopping. They always fit, you don’t have to go into an ugly dressing room to see how they look, they will recharge any outfit, and, they are fabulous. Go ahead and buy that unique pair of shoes you pinned last month and have been eyeing ever since- you’ll be surprised at how inspired you’ll  be by your new addition to your closet.

6. Go people watching: Not in the creepy way. Go sit in some trendy coffee shop, a nice restaurant, a bench in a mall- anywhere that you think you’ll get inspiration for a new outfit or theme in your closet. It sounds simple- and it is- it also works every time.

Carrie Bradshaw Closet

7. Try a new pair of sunglasses: Everyone looks cooler with sunglasses on. It’s just a fact. An outfit without sunglasses is like Zac Efron with a shirt. Yes, OK, everything looks very nice the way it is, but … imagine the possibilities if you were to just add (in Zac’s case, subtract) one little thing. It’s just a whole other level of perfection.

8. Switch things up: And I mean that quite literally. When you’re about to leave the house in your favorite T-Shirt and statement accessory, stop for a second and switch one thing about what you’re wearing. Yeah, it’s a great look. But trying a different necklace, scarf or hat forces yourself to move out of your comfort zone. Come on, people- ‘new’ is chic and fabulous.

What the Colors You Wear Say About You

Devil Wears PradaBeing the fashionista of my friend group automatically qualifies me as the one everyone asks “what should I wear?” or “does this look good?” Too many people in this world are comfortable looking like trash everyday, and it’s up to those of us who have a good sense of fashion to help save others from their own incapabilities.

More often than not, I find that the hardest decision for people involves the colors they wear. Colors have a powerful effect on the way we act and the way the society sees us. They give off an energy that affects our emotions, confidence levels and our desires. So basically, if you want to be a bad bitch then you better dress like it.

RED is powerful and strong. It may suggest you could be impulsive and ambitious. It’s also the color of desire; some studies show that it makes others feel more attracted to you, and makes you, yourself, feel more attractive. You should wear red when you want to up your game on a date, or you’re going out for a night on the town- don’t wear it to an important work meeting.

The color of purity and positivity is WHITE. This color runs the risk of washing you out and also can hurt your level of attractiveness in the minds of others. White is also the color of innocence and virginity- wear it when you’re going for an air of innocence.

On Wed We Wear PinkPINK is plain and simple. If you’re a man, others respect you more having the balls to wear this color. If you’re a woman, wear this to meet your boyfriend’s parents. That is all.

YELLOW is a happy color! It can boost your happiness and help the moods of those around you. This color tells the people around you that you are fun, interesting, active and lively. Wear any day you need a pick-me-up.

PURPLE has two sides to it- a lighter shade will tell people you are sensitive and compassionate, and a deeper purple will show you are intuitive and have strong feelings. Wearing the color purple can help with confidence levels, and helps creativity and critical thinking. Wear this when you need to get the BIG idea at work or in school.

Success is generally associated with the color BLUE. It’s the color of both the sky and water which represent loyalty and authority- this is great for you! It helps you work creatively, and shows others you are trustworthy. Navy is a color that shows friendliness and power. Wear this color to ACE the job interview of your dreams!

GREEN gives off a peaceful and cautious energy. If you wear it correctly it can increase your positive feelings, but if it’s worn wrong then you might look sickly. Because the color green is regularly associated with nature, it is a refreshing and soothing color. Wear it if you are feeling stressed and need to calm down.

Own too much blackI LOVE BLACK! Many like to wear BLACK because it’s slimming and it goes with everything, but it’s also the color of mourning. When wearing black, a person can come across as strong-willed and disciplined but they might also seem too independent and inflexible. Wear this color when you’re standing up for something or someone, or need to put your foot down. Or just feel like a bad-ass, wear it any time you want.

ORANGE is both bold and optimistic. Shades of orange motivate and energize, and increases spontaneity. Wearing this color suggests to others that you are competent and independent, and sometimes impatient (due to the increased spontaneity). Wear this color whenever you’re in a team leader position or are working with children.

Fashion Hacks

I recently discovered the YouTube channel But First, Coffee– and I am in love. I know a lot of her posts are for girls (actually, all of them are), but I found this video and saw some things that I think both guys and girls can benefit from. So, check it out and follow this fabulous channel- you wont be disappointed!

A Guide to Arriving Fashionably Late

Better late than uglyI have set a rule in my life that I won’t ever show up anywhere without getting ready and making sure that I look like I try too hard to put myself together every day. Looking good, every day, is one of the best ways to ensure that you shape other’s opinions of you.

Always looking good allows to you judge others for not looking good without reservation- Jesus said “thou shalt not be a hypocrite” and so I’m not. After all, if Jesus can judge, and I’m supposed to ask WWJD, then it’s only logical that I should judge others #AmIRight.

I have a reputation for always looking pretty- I consider it one of my larger successes. I have classmates who constantly mention how much they wish that they had my wardrobe. I’ve even had professors mention, in the middle of class, how impressed they are that I don’t just look nice- but that I am ALWAYS put together.

This one time, I had a couple friends who made fun of me for getting ready to go grocery shopping. They told me, “You’ll never see anyone you know,” and “you’re wasting time.” After I got ready, my friends and I headed to the store. I ended up seeing quite a few people while shopping, and they all mentioned how great I looked- my friends ate their crow.

Late because good looking gif

There are some important mindsets to take on when you’re the bitch who’s always late. You can’t be 30 minutes late to a job or interview- that’s just bad manners. There is a tasteful way to make sure that your being late leaves the right impression and doesn’t piss anyone important off.

First: Never be late to a situation where people are depending on you. Being late isn’t worth it if others are going to be guaranteed to think less of you. Save being “fashionably late” for social situations. In a professional setting, just make sure you arrive at the last second.

Second: Make sure that everyone knows the reason why you were late is for their benefit. Nobody wants to look at the ugly, unpolished version of you.

Third: Never apologize for being late. You were late because it’s important to look good. If you apologize then you give others the license to believe you are in the wrong.

Fourth: Everyone hates being in the front of the room, so if you’re late you are forced to walk your beautifully late self to the front- everyone will be forced to notice you. Sitting in the back means that nobody notices you. Don’t be a #BackRowBitch.

Fifth: Make a joke of it. Don’t let it become a super serious issue. I crack jokes about my being late all the time, and now all of my superiors join in on the fun. As long as you aren’t a huge slacker AND always late, they usually don’t care.

Sixth: Make sure to use eye contact and flash a smile. Owning a room is all about gushing with confidence and looking fabulous.

Lastly: Always remember the golden rule…

A Queen is never late gif

 

9 Reasons it is Never Okay to Wear Sweats

Mean-Girl-Sweatpants

I have never really had any political ambitions. Other than my theory that pretty people are better leaders and should be elected over the ugly, my only other political ambitions are based on fashion atrocities that I think should be banned (i.e. white socks, scrunchies, untailored suits, etc…). But, the one article of clothing I never cease to question why it even exists is sweatpants- seriously, ew. Don’t, just don’t.

Christian Louboutin said it best. “I hate the whole concept of comfort,” he says. “It’s like when people say, ‘Well, we’re not really in love, but we’re in a comfortable relationship.’ You’re abandoning a lot of ideas when you are too into comfort. ‘Comfy’- that’s one of the worst words! I just picture a woman feeling bad, with a big bottle of alcohol, really puffy.”

Jimmy Fallon Thumbs DownI’m not sure who thought it would be good idea to create a pant out of thick cotton material, bind the bottom with elastic, and share them with the world. What idiot would create such an ugly concoction and then think it was a good idea to sell it? Whoever they are, I want their name, number and address stat because we’ve got some shit to talk about.

For those of you who disagree with me, and think that being comfortable outweighs the benefits of being an upstanding member of society, here are 9 logical reasons you should boycott sweatpants right this second and to the end of time:

  1. People will automatically label you as “the poor girl who just got dumped and who is comforting herself with Nicholas Sparks movies and a few pints of chunky monkey.” It doesn’t matter if it’s true, just don’t have them thinking it is.
  2. Nobody believes you are going to work out. Everyone wears track pants, running shorts or yoga pants now- people stopped wearing sweatpants to the gym in the 90s.
  3. Your wrinkled dress at the bottom of your laundry hamper, with the mustard stain down the front of it, STILL looks better than a pair of sweat pants.
  4. There is nothing that you can pair with sweatpants to make them look even kind-0f stylish and not like you just rolled out of bed (which you probably did).
  5. Everyone will probably assume that you’ve been gaining weight and none of your other clothes fit. It’s a awful thing to think, but it is true.
  6. Mean-Girls-Cant-Sit-With-Us-GIFMean Girls taught us that wearing sweatpants in the wrong situation, will make you lose all your friends.
  7. You probably don’t remember the last time they were washed, and you couldn’t care less about your shitty pair of sweats.
  8. Other people wear proper pants; pants with buttons and zippers, so you should too. It’s only fair to them and the rest of society.
  9. You are not Justin Bieber. If you wear them hanging halfway down your rear (even if it is accidentally) people will think that you’re a huge douchebag.

Do everyone a favor and forget about the sweatpants- they aren’t worth the trouble.

How To Wear A Scarf

Alrighty, this one is for all of you who, like me, just can’t get enough of scarves! OMG, they are by far my favorite fashion accessory, and they can make any outfit FAB- whether you’re a guy or a girl. Now, I’m a huge fan of the infinity scarf, but I think that making a good impression is done best when you mix it up a little bit. Here is a guide I found by Real Men Real Style that has a lot of really cool ways to tie a scarf. Try one out and see what you think!

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