Signs You Are “So Over” This Semester

1. You no longer read any of your class material, and the term “assigned reading” is the biggest joke you’ve ever heard.

bey laughing

2. You have already calculated your final GPA based on the future assignments you are willing to do.

calculate

3. You come home grocery shopping with more alcohol than you do anything else.

shopping

4. Netflix has become the love of your life and the number one priority.

netflix love

5. Every morning you are faced with the decision to shower before class or to sleep in… You obvi sleep in.

sleep

6. School work becomes impossible to complete because you’d rather sit on the couch and do nothing.

Couch

7. You wonder if people actually get caught for plagiarism and debate whether or not you should try it.

Don't know

8. Coffee can’t even help you anymore.

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9. Your bedroom reflects your life- it’s a hot mess.

life mess

10. Everyone and everything stresses the shit out of you.

stressing me out

11. The money in your bank account… it’s pitiful…

Poor

12. Drinking by yourself sounds more appealing than ever before.

my self

13. You question your sanity on a daily basis.

crazy

14. Your own happiness seems elusive.

Kenye

15. You often wonder how much it would have cost for you to pay a nerd to take the class for you at the beginning of the semester.

Nerd

16. You have created collaborative group text dedicated to planning for brunch instead of going to class.

Brunch

17. And when a friend bails on brunch to go to class, you’re like:

rooting for you

18. People who are still trying to do well in school really piss you off.

bitch

The 7 Kinds of Sluts You’ll Meet in College

Good Morning SlutsWe all have those people in our lives that we love to call a slut on the daily. It’s hard not to, slut is such an endearing term; plus, it makes you feel better about your poor life choices when you include others in your slut-squad. The hard part about labeling others as a “slut” is that everyone you have labeled is drastically different from everyone else. Let me clarify something for you- the reason why everyone can be labeled as a slut is because there are many different “slut categories”- I discover a new one every day.

These are the most common species of slut that I’ve discovered during my time in college:

The Prude Slut: This species of slut always brags about their hot make out sessions, or what they would do to Ryan Gossling if they ever met him in a dark alley- but we all know they would never follow through with any of it. They are usually virgins or very inexperienced within the sex-spectrum (aka the “sextrum”). They are always fun to party with because you know you generally will have a better chance of getting with someone because you will put out and they won’t. It’s nice to keep them around because it helps you feel like you still have some innocence left- even though everyone knows this isn’t true.

Sophisticated and SluttyThe Classy Slut: These are the friends we can clearly see, in our minds eye, getting it on while they sip on a glass of wine. Even though they may be very casual and explicit about their sexuality, there is no way we could ever think little of them for it. They have high standards and won’t settle- they are calm, confident and let themselves indulge in the finer things of life.

The Closet Slut: We all have that person that we know is secretly freaky, but nobody really knows for sure. These people are usually quiet, and get a very smug look whenever the topic of sex is brought up. These sluts know that it’s important they never disclose what they do behind closed doors because they would be judged for it. Your relationship with a closet slut is probably comparable to that of a younger sibling; you know they’re an adult, but you’d like to remain ignorant than know just what they are capable of.

Pink wine sluttyThe Alcoholic Slut: This is the kind of slut that is the most fun. They are your average joe during the day, but once they get a little tequila in their system their night turns into a real life Magic Mike/Playboy Bunny montage. Don’t worry, they won’t remember anything they did in the morning, and they will have all their dignity intact. Blame it on the shots of patron or multiple cocktails- they didn’t have any control.

The Bitchy Slut: This person is the kind of slut you would expect to be into some serious S&M. They spend most of their slutty moments pressuring others into making bad decisions. They do this by getting everyone to think of being pure is a waste of time and boring. These sluts can either be super fun to hang out with, or they are the ones you avoid like the plague.

Fat SlutThe Proud Slut: This is our favorite kind of slut. No matter how bad we feel about our life decisions, we know this person will always be able to one-up our sexscapades (sexual escapades). These are the people that you can always count on to make you feel innocent again because they will proudly tell you the stories of their sluttiest moments. Odds are, their sluttiest moments happened in a public place, and they’ve been kicked out of bars because they are way too indulgent in their sexual fantasies. These are the people you will tell stories about for years to come.

The Whore Slut: These are the dirty sluts who have nothing going for them. They probably carry multiple STDs, and are the type of person you wouldn’t want to be caught hanging out with.

There are all kinds of sluts in this world; which one are you?

How to throw a Dinner Party

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Being the socialite of your friend group isn’t an easy job- especially when college funds are tight. You’re the one who usually comes up with ideas, figures out the date and details, makes assignments and finds the venue (which most of the time ends up being your cheap apartment). It’s work, but you enjoy it and you know that you’re one of the only people who can make sure everyone has a fabulous time.

My favorite setting to enjoy good friends, fine wine and juicy gossip is at a dinner party. There are many different ways to put on one of these little soirées, but there are a few ways to make this a memorable event and not just a dinner party. I have a few suggestions for making sure that everyone wants an invitation to the get-togethers you throw, regardless of their size, style and budget.

Guest List: A guest list is the best way to help streamline your planning process. It allows you to plan for the right amount of food, give out assignments and set the venue up properly. I love having a guest list because I don’t have to invite people I don’t like, and they can’t just show up without an invitation.

Where to Splurge: I say only splurge with investments. If you find centerpieces, serving dishes, dinnerware (etc…), then it’s okay to spend guiltlessly while you invest in your future parties.

Where to Skimp: Little things like decor, appetizers, music and all the other tiny details are things that should make a very small dent (if any at all) in your bank account. Decor can be super cheap, and I’ve found that paper decorations can look chic if applied in right way.

Family Style over Buffet: I prefer family style over buffet because it’s easier to connect with each other around a table where we are sharing food instead of lining up and serving ourselves. Successful events are all about creating an emotional connection with others, and that’s easily done over a shared meal.

Your Signature: Every chic soirée you put together needs to have your own personal touch to it. Whether it’s a signature cocktail, a memorial toast, your calligraphy or personal logo on the invitations, menu or decor.

Say Cheese: Always have a photo booth! Pictures with friends, after a fun and memorable evening, helps to ensure that everyone wants to come back to future parties. It also is a huge ego boost when you see all the Insta posts about how fun YOUR party was.

Theme: Every good party needs a theme. It makes your life easier when it comes to decorations because everyone’s outfit adds to the room’s ambiance. A theme also creates an obvious difference between all your get-togethers and the other events you host. Keeping things fresh helps keep the interest of your guests.