Let’s be honest- not many of us are going to be special enough that we are ever going to be in a situation where we need to know how to properly taste wine. Most of you are probably only going to need to know how to pair wine with dinner, or how much you can drink before you get drunk and lose your shit.
However, if you (like me) enjoy thinking you are better than everyone else, then you need to act the part. For basic bitches like us, we don’t know how to live within our means. We always max out our credit cards so that no one would ever guess we don’t have money to burn- now, all that’s left to do is act like we are as rich as we think we are. Tasting wine is an art, and it’s something that rich people have been doing since they stopped shitting in their diaper (at least I think they did).
Getting good at tasting wine takes time, but practice makes perfect! So, bust out a few bottles of wine with your friends, put together a charcuterie board and begin practicing so that you can impress people with fat wallets who will one day- hopefully- be paying off your mountain of credit card debt.
See: The first thing you need to do is look at the wine and observe what is going on. What color is it? Is it cloudy or clear? Does anything appear to be suspended in the wine?
Swirl: Begin to swirl your wine- gently- up onto the sides of your glass. This increases the surface area of the wine and allows it to breathe; more air means a stronger aroma.
Smell: Next, smell your wine. Is there a fruity aroma? Does it smell spicy like cinnamon or vanilla? Is it oaky and earthy? What makes this scent unique?
Sip: Take a sip of your wine, and move it around in your mouth. Different areas of the tongue taste different things, so when you move wine around in your mouth you will gain a better understanding of the flavor. Is the wine sweet or dry? What flavors do you taste? You will probably taste things that are similar to what you smelled.
Savor: Swallow your wine and see if the flavor changes. How long are these flavors left on your tongue? This step is also referred to as the finish and length of the wine.
Snob: Lastly, act like a little bit of a snob. Don’t be afraid to comment on your experience and ask others what they thought. After all, those who have nothing to say aren’t anything special. If you have nothing to say, nod and agree with what everyone else says.